Wednesday, August 26, 2015

What I Really, Really Want in My Throwback Man Crate (Zigazig AH!)

Hello my lovely followers. I have a different sort of post for you today! When I was contacted by Man Crates, I was asked a seemingly easy question: what would I put in my nostalgic time capsule? The more I thought about it, the more my mind raced. I'm 23 years old, which really just means that I'm not quite stuck in the 90s, but not a true millennial either. I had a great time thinking about what would go in my perfect crate, and I'm happy to share that list with you today!

But first, what is Man Crates? It's a website that specializes in kick ass gift crates for the man (or whoever) in your life! They're all themed, which is my favorite part. Some are for your favorite sports teams. Some are for video game enthusiasts. Others are for people who love a good drink. They're all pretty awesome. Here's Man Crates in their own words:

About Man Crates:

We say 'no' to ugly neckties, cologne samplers and executive trinkets. We don't save wrapping paper, we don't do ribbons.

We ship bragworthy gifts for guys. Gifts that you can't wait to arrive because you know the recipient will love opening them.

Gifts that people gather round at the office, people following the sounds of wood being torn from wood by the included, laser-engraved crowbar.

We are Man Crates, and we deliver awesome gifts for men.

So what would be in my perfect crate after I tear into it with my crowbar? Let's find out! I've got a list of a dirty dozen.

1] Chupa Chups Spice Girl Lollipops:

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These suckers were the best thing ever. Why? Because if you had these, you were the coolest girl in the class room. I remember I could only ever find them at Limited Too. Not only did the actual lollies taste delicious, but printed on them were the FACES of the Spice Girls. Plus, each one came with a sticker. At my school, every girl's notebook was littered with these. I still love the Spice Girls, and I miss these whenever I have to buy suckers that are not adorned with Victoria Beckham's face.

2] Orbitz:

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This one I miss purely for aesthetics. I have absolutely no memory of what these taste like. Apparently they came in a bunch of colors, but I only remember getting red and orange. These were the perfect drink for the easily amused kid, and I'm no exception. I remember getting excited passing them on the grocery shelves and begging my mom for it. It was like drinking a lava lamp and for whatever reason, that makes it appealing to me.

3] Pokemon Cards:

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Time for me to put on my bifocals and get my walker. But back in my day, there were only 150 Pokemon, do you hear me? And you memorized them ALL. What type did what damage, who evolved at what level. How do you do math? No idea. But how do you evolve Pikachu? With a thunderstone. I clearly took away important things from elementary school. These cards were addictive, and if you had the hologram cards? You owned the playground and could name your price. I still have some of mine, but I miss my sleeves full of them.

4] Gel Pens:

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Okay, so gel pens (or milky pens) were the nine year old equivalency of having cigarettes in a jail. You traded them for things. Sometimes you traded for other pens, if they were prettier or swirled or something. Sometimes you stacked six gel pens in order to get something better than a pen, like pudding or a homework pass. The bigger your pen case, the bigger a stud you were in the class room. And if they had glitter in the ink and had the corresponding black paper? Fugettabout it. You were the queen, and Beyonce would have NOTHING on you, girl.

5] Beanie Babies:

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I collected them. Like everyone else on the globe. Hell, I still buy them now and again. We all thought we would pay for our college tuitions with them, though my Sallie Mae account balances determines that that is a lie. I was obsessed with the bears, like The Beginning and The End. Charge $5 and nobody panics. Give them away for free with a Happy Meal and everyone loses their minds! I remember driving to Mickey D's in other states to find them all. They were also great tools of bribery. If my mom bribed me to go shopping with a Beanie Baby, my ass was in that car SO FAST.

6] Mini Poptarts:

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I don't mean these 100 calorie pack of Poptart crisps nonsense where you have to eat a whole box to feel like you ate a snack. I mean the mini, full fat, full frosting Poptarts, just smaller. Breakfast, snack, lunch. It did not and does not matter. They were bite size and frosted and delicious and honestly not a grocery trip goes by where I am not really, really bitter that they're discontinued. Poptart, if you see this, please bring them back, in Wild Berry.

7] 3D Doritos:

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Same boat as the Poptarts listed above. These snacks were heavily flavored, inflated, and hollowed Doritos and they were glorious. You could even get them in these neat little plastic Thermos-like containers that protected the delicate crisps on road trips or when you were out camping. We used to get these at gas stations when we went on vacation, and the only acceptable way to eat them was to gently "pop" them against the roof of your mouth with your tongue. Doritos, please, bring these back in a flavor that isn't spicy. Xoxo.

8] Wonderballs:

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These were the best things ever, until stupid children started choking and ruined the fun for everyone. I am envious that Europe is able to have Kindereggs. These were hollow milk chocolate orbs that were filled with a toy or small candies. They usually had a Nickelodeon or a Disney prize in them, and if I'm not mistaken they came with a sticker too. (God, we really did love stickers...) I still have a tiny little plastic Pegasus from Disney's Hercules on my desk from one of these babies. We can have guns, but not plastic ponies. Priorities, y'all.

9] Nano Baby:

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I didn't have a Tomagatchi. I had the slightly bootleg equivalent, the Nano Baby- a digital pet you had to keep alive. They cried. They pooped. They begged. They died, and it played really, really depressing funeral music when they did so. These taught us responsibility and showed my generation just how not ready for parenthood we will ever be because life is fragile and I am a monster, because I killed so many pixels. These were the in-class distraction before cell phones and texting, and if you didn't cry the first time you killed your pet, you're lying.

10] Game Boy Color:

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Yessssss Game Boy Color. I had a pink one and it was awesome. Whether you played Super Mario Brothers, Conker, or Pokemon Red or Blue, these were the best things ever. I regret giving mine away and as an adult of 23, I STILL have this (and a N64) on my Christmas list. Some things never change, eh? The worst was trying to play it at night in the car on the way home from a trip or a holiday by the light of passing streetlamps. These babies weren't back lit, and if you were in the middle of nowhere? No digital battles for you.

11] Lisa Frank:

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NEON ALL OF THE THINGS. Pencils, notebooks, folders, birthday parties, erasers, posters, stuffies, backpacks. I STILL have an obsession. No, seriously. I have Lisa Frank spirals, folders, erasers, and nail polishes in my room as we speak. By the way lovely readers, they still sell merchandise and now even offer them in ADULT SIZES so you never have to grow up again. They're in the process of making adult size bed sheets and stuff, but their flip flops are available now in your size. The cutest picture? Casey and Candy sharing an ice cream sundae. Obviously.

12] Hit Clips:

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The original mp3 player. These were little chips that played about a minute of song. You had to buy them all separate, and they didn't play full songs, so you got to learn ONE verse really, really well. You couldn't control the volume, it blasted in your ear hole at only one level: apocalypse loud. Eventually they came out with the boombox, so you could play them out loud and not just through the earbud attached to the player. This was one of those "what a time to be alive!" type moments. How did a tiny chip play MUSIC? NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Sugar Ray all blessed my collection. Humblebrag- I had the best collection of these in my class.

Runners up: Harry Potter books, Warheads, plastic choker necklaces, green ketchup, press on earring stickers and crispy M&M's (they're back, bitches!)

So that's what would be in my nostalgic crate. What about you? Are you a 90s ish kid like me who misses the glory days of Oreo O's cereal? And 80s kid who misses Razzles and Popples? Comment below.

And be sure to check out They are seriously the best, and there's something there for everyone.


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