Review: Miss You Love You Hate You Bye by Abby Sher

Title: Miss You Love You Hate You Bye
Author: Abby Sher
Format: Paperback ARC
Pub. Date: February 18th 2020
Source: The Windy Pages


Book Description:

Zoe and Hank (short for Hannah) have been inseparable since they met in elementary school. The leader of the pack, Zoe is effortlessly popular while Hank hides comfortably in her shadow. But when Zoe's parents unexpectedly divorce, Zoe's perfect facade starts cracking little by little. Sinking under the weight of her broken family, Zoe develops an eating disorder. Now she must rely on Hank for help.

Hank struggles to help Zoe; after all, she is used to agreeing, not leading. How can she help her best friend get better before it's too late?

Written partially in letters from Zoe and mostly in narrative from Hank's perspective, Miss You Love You Hate You Bye is a poignant and eye-opening novel about friendship, mental health, and learning to put yourself first.

Review:

★★

I wanted to like this book. I really did. I think books on young adult mental health are so, so important. But this one fell flat for me and I was left disappointed.

The book is written in almost duel perspective. It's 90% from the main character, Hannah's, point of view. Every so often there's a letter written by Zoe to break things up. While I understand why it's written from both sides, I didn't care for the letters aspect and would have just preferred duel POVs as things were actually happening. Because of the letters, we start right off the bat knowing what Zoe's fate is. We know she's in a hospital/treatment center. We know she's mad at Hannah, and we know that ultimately, she's okay. Because of this, it made me less interested in the story from the get-go, because I had the resolution before I even know the story.

I didn't care for either character. Zoe is manic and struggling and a hot mess. She's dealing with a lot- ADHD, learning problems, her parents' divorce, her eating disorder. But we never really get too much of her side of why she's acting this way. Then there's Hannah, who has a complete do nothing attitude about almost everything in her life. She does whatever Zoe tells her to, always. That's all of her personality, even according to her: she's Hannah's friend. She notices eating habits but doesn't say anything. She is unhappy but doesn't say anything. She is negative about everything. She's rude AF to her mom's boyfriend even though he's nice and kind and her mom is happy (which she resents, even though she admits he's nice) and it has been years. Even her mom eventually calls her on the fact that she's like this, which I appreciated.

Both of their inner voices felt like they were done in "adult" voices (Hannah uses words like "hirsute" in her head, for example) but their out-loud dialogue sounded like middle school- very "OMG like cringe". They're high schoolers. This back and forth of writing style/voice was a bit jarring in places.

I wish the book would have been more about Zoe. She's the one with the disorder and struggling and yet she's not really what the book is about. I appreciate that some aspects of eating disorders and mental health and self-harm were realistically portrayed in all their ugliness. It's not all therapy and sadness, it can be mania and spiraling out.

But I just found myself bored, uninterested, and wanting it to be over. There's so much happening but so little of it gets closure. It feels disconnected and almost random.

I really like that this book is about platonic friendship. There's no romance component (albeit a kiss that felt forced and unnecessary for the plot), it's just a story about friendship and I think there should be more of that.

I also think the cover is super cute, but, obviously that has nothing to do with the plot.

I think there is a need and a space for YA books about hard topics like this. But I also think that there a lot of books already out there that cover them better than this book does. If it relates to one person, or helps someone find courage to talk to someone, than this book will have been worth writing.

But I am not that person, and this book wasn't for me. Be warned, this book contains drug use, eating disorders, self-harm, and other topics that might be tough to read for some people.

Review: Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

Title: Thirteen Reasons Why
Author: Jay Asher
Format: Hardcover, 288 pages
Pub. Date: October 18th 2007
Source: Half Price Books


Book Description:

He consumed her with that kiss, leaving no question that whatever was happening between them was meant to be—that it had always been meant to be…

You can’t stop the future.
You can’t rewind the past.
The only way to learn the secret . . . is to press play.

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a strange package with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker–his classmate and crush–who committed suicide two weeks earlier. Hannah’s voice tells him that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why.

Clay spends the night crisscrossing his town with Hannah as his guide. He becomes a firsthand witness to Hannah’s pain, and as he follows Hannah’s recorded words throughout his town, what he discovers changes his life forever.

Review:

★★★★

I know this book is really polarizing for a lot folks, and that a lot of people have strong feelings about it. I'm just not that passionate about it, so this is going to be a really basic review. I have not seen the Netflix adaptation.

I think this book has a good concept. I liked the way that it was formatted, both by using the tapes as a way to hear Hannah's story and by using the tape deck functions (play, pause, rewind) as a way to tie in Clay's narrative and response to her stories.

I will say that this book held my attention. This is probably the fastest that I've read a book in quite a while. It was both intriguing and haunting. I found myself wanting Clay to keep listening and going forward with the tapes, but I also hesitated each time a new person was mentioned, unsure if I actually did want to know what happened to Hannah.

I think I would have appreciated this book when it came out. 2007 would have been freshman/sophomore year of high school for me, when I myself would have been in the throes of my worst depression and high school angst. To me it seemed, melodramatic yes, but also quite realistic. I never questioned the teenage voice that it's written in, and all of the things that happened seemed like they very easily could have been real. That's something that I don't find a lot in a lot of high school books, especially where parties are involved.

I felt connected to the characters, which was sort of weird, considering that Hannah is dead. But the same way that hearing Hannah's voice makes Clay a little jumpy because it's like she's alive again, because her narrative is so strong on the tapes, you feel like you know her. And I felt for Clay, who had to hear so much and continue on with the little chain letter type set up.

I don't think I'll ever read this book again, but I'm not mad that I read it. I don't really recommend it to anyone either- I'd hate for anyone to be influenced by the topics here. If you're suicidal, or have been impacted by suicide, I do not think that this is the book for you.

Review: Room by Emma Donoghue

Title: Room
Author: Emma Donoghue
Format: Paperback, 352 pages
Pub. Date: May 18th 2011
Source: Goodwill


Book Description:

To five-year-old-Jack, Room is the world. . . . It's where he was born, it's where he and his Ma eat and sleep and play and learn. At night, his Ma shuts him safely in the wardrobe, where he is meant to be asleep when Old Nick visits.

Room is home to Jack, but to Ma it's the prison where she has been held for seven years. Through her fierce love for her son, she has created a life for him in this eleven-by-eleven-foot space. But with Jack's curiosity building alongside her own desperation, she knows that Room cannot contain either much longer.

Room is a tale at once shocking, riveting, exhilarating--a story of unconquerable love in harrowing circumstances, and of the diamond-hard bond between a mother and her child.

Review:

★★★★★

Four and a half stars, rounded up.

I'm not quite sure how to review this book. It seems wrong to say that I liked it, given that it's about rape and abduction. But, it was so hauntingly and beautifully written, that it was enjoyable to read, even with the dark (and it is DARK) subject matter.

I didn't realize when I picked this book up that it was going to be written from the perspective of the five year old son, Jack, who has been held captive in the "room" his entire life. It was shocking, but it works so well as a literary tool. He doesn't understand life, not like you or me. Because there is no life outside of "room". He doesn't understand why his mom gets sad, or angry, or tired with him. He doesn't understand that she was raped and enslaved and kidnapped. But as an adult reading through his eyes, you can see between the lines, and see how much fight the mom has in her, and how she copes with this horrible life she's been dealt, and how much she does for her son so that he can try to have happiness, even in personal little hell.

The emotions are high and tense because children feel so deeply. Each cutting word, each sigh, each scream, it's all vivid and it's all felt. You grow to care for Jack and his mother, hoping that they will be safe, that they will live, that they will get free. Jack is written as so brave but so frightened at the same time. When outside of Room, he has to learn things that I would have never thought about, like how to climb stairs. It's heartbreaking but hopeful.

The room is written in such vivid detail that I feel like I could envision every part of it, from the worn floors to the ceiling window. The characters are well described too, Donoghue is very good at showing instead of telling, and it visualizes very well. It's no wonder that someone read this and thought it would make a good movie. It's very dramatic and cinematic, and while I have not seen the movie (and I'm not quite sure I want to), I can totally imagine it on screen.

This book covers so many hard to swallow topics: child abuse, rape, kidnapping, enslavement, suicide, depression, miscarriage, overdose, the "need to know all the gory details" coverage of the media. And Emma Donoghue navigates them expertly. This is a raw, emotional, powerful, and often times painful story, measured with hope, perseverance, and love. It's not an easy book to get through, but it's a book that I'm very glad that I read.

If you are a fan of things like true crime and ID channel, than this book might be something you want to read. If you have any aversion to any of the topics that I've mentioned here, than I don't recommend it, because you will probably find it incredibly troubling and upsetting.

Review: Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Title: Me Before You
Author: Jojo Moyes
Series: Me Before You #1
Format: Paperback ARC
Pub. Date: July 30th 2013
Source: Half Price Books


Book Description:

From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Giver of Stars, discover the love story that captured over 20 million hearts in Me Before You, After You, and Still Me.

They had nothing in common until love gave them everything to lose . . .

Louisa Clark is an ordinary girl living an exceedingly ordinary life—steady boyfriend, close family—who has barely been farther afield than their tiny village. She takes a badly needed job working for ex–Master of the Universe Will Traynor, who is wheelchair bound after an accident. Will has always lived a huge life—big deals, extreme sports, worldwide travel—and now he’s pretty sure he cannot live the way he is.

Will is acerbic, moody, bossy—but Lou refuses to treat him with kid gloves, and soon his happiness means more to her than she expected. When she learns that Will has shocking plans of his own, she sets out to show him that life is still worth living.

A Love Story for this generation and perfect for fans of John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars, Me Before You brings to life two people who couldn’t have less in common—a heartbreakingly romantic novel that asks, What do you do when making the person you love happy also means breaking your own heart?

Review:

★★★★★

It's rare that I whole-heartedly and so positively adore a book. Me Before You was absolutely fantastic. It was beautifully written and raw and honest and optimistic and heartbreaking in the most perfect of ways. This was my first time reading anything by Jojo Moyes, but it certainly won't be my last.

The characters were wonderfully well written. Even if you didn't like a character (and believe me, there are a few), you still got a sense of who they were and the roots and complications of why you disliked them. Louisa is quirky, but never in the annoyingly common YA way of "omg I'm not like other girls". She's just unapologetically herself, and I admire that. I wish I had the confidence to wear, I dunno, pink zebra leggings with a festive hat and sparkly shoes and to say things without thinking too much about them. She's realistically awkward and charming, and I get what Will and her employers see in her.

And then there's Will. Poor, complicated, devastatingly handsome Will. Despite his demeanor and how he speaks to people, he's oddly endearing and you root for him to be better, to let down his walls. As he grows fond of Louisa, you can't help but to fall in love with him as she does. Even knowing damn well he's going to break all of our hearts.

The setting is also really well done. I feel like I could walk around their town with no map and feel at ease, and when they're traveling, I was swept away to be with them too.

Moyes does a brilliant job bringing up a topical and complicated topic and making it relatable, personable, and understandable. She gave me a lot to think about.

And I cried. Of course I did. I always do. I knew what was coming, and still, I cried. This is the most emotionally connected to a book and characters that I have felt in a long time. I know this book is a few years old, but this is the best book I have read this year. It was beautiful, touching, and haunting, and I absolutely recommend it. It's funny, charming, absolutely devastating, and strangely peaceful, and if you don't mind a little heartbreak and young love, this book is for you.

Review: Caging Skies by Christine Leunens

Title: Caging Skies
Author: Christine Leunens
Format: Paperback ARC
Pub. Date: August 6th 2019
Source: Goodreads First Reads


Book Description:

The inspiration for the major film Jojo Rabbit by Taika Waititi

An avid member of the Hitler Youth in 1940s Vienna, Johannes Betzler discovers his parents are hiding a Jewish girl named Elsa behind a false wall in their home. His initial horror turns to interest—then love and obsession. After his parents disappear, Johannes is the only one aware of Elsa’s existence in the house and he alone is responsible for her fate. Drawing strength from his daydreams about Hitler, Johannes plans for the end of the war and what it might mean for him and Elsa.

The inspiration for the major film Jojo Rabbit by Taika Waititi, Caging Skies, sold in over twenty countries, is a work of rare power; a stylistic and storytelling triumph. Startling, blackly comic, and written in Christine Leunens’s gorgeous, muscular prose, this novel, her U.S. debut, is singular and unforgettable

Review:

★★★★

I really liked this book. I wasn't really quite sure what to expect, having read the synopsis and also having seen the trailer for the film based on it, Jojo Rabbit.

Leunens has a really developed sense of writing. She's good at delivering emotion and tone, even when you don't really want to be feeling the things you're feeling. For example, that you feel bad for a devoted member of the Hitler Youth, and that you continue to feel bad even as he's supporting the Reich and as he's continuing to keep a Jewish girl in his walls for his own personal fulfillment.

Johannes is flawed and in a lot of ways, just not a good person. But in other ways, he seems so aware and so caring. He takes care of his family and his home with one hand, but lies and bullies with the other. I wasn't quite sure what to make of him a lot of the time, but he was never a dull character. The way the author describes his hometown and what is happening after Hitler's regime is over, it felt like I was transported. When his feelings were hurt I felt them, even if I thought he deserved it (and he often did). Elsa too is well written. Leunens does a good job of making her hopeful and sad and appreciative and rebellious, all in one. There's a lot of complexities and sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's sad, and sometimes you find yourself laughing and then feeling like a bad person.

It would have been 5 stars for me until I started to hit the end. Then it seems to have turned into a completely different book. The tone changed, and the pacing wildly changed. It went from well paced (and maybe even a little slow) to zooming by, and then abruptly it was over. I actually reread a bit to see if I had missed something but, no, it wasn't me. It almost felt like when you are writing an essay for an exam and the proctor calls five minutes so you just write like mad. It's a shame that it ended on a rough note for me.

That aside, this book was well written and I am glad I read it. If you're easily offended, this might not be a good fit for you as there's a fair amount of dark comedy. If you're a fan of WWII or Holocaust books, than I think it's worth reading.

I have not seen Jojo Rabbit, so I have absolutely no idea how the two compare but going off of the trailer, I'm going to say that they seem like completely different animals, so, keep that in mind if you liked the film and are considering reading the book.

I received a copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads in exchange for my honest review. Thank you.

Review: I'm Not Missing by Carrie Fountain

Title: I'm Not Missing: A Novel
Author: Carrie Fountain
Format: Paperback ARC
Pub. Date: July 10th 2018
Source: Goodreads First Reads


Book Description:

When Miranda Black’s mother abandoned her, she took everything—the sun, moon, and stars—and Miranda found shelter in her friendship with Syd, who wore her own motherlessness like a badge of honor: Our mothers abandoned us. We won’t go begging for scraps.

When Syd runs away suddenly and inexplicably in the middle of their senior year, Miranda is abandoned once again, left to untangle the questions of why Syd left, where she is—and if she’s even a friend worth saving. Her only clue is Syd’s discarded pink leopard print cell phone and a single text contained there from the mysterious HIM. Along the way, forced to step out from Syd’s enormous shadow, Miranda finds herself stumbling into first love with Nick Allison of all people and learning what it means to be truly seen, to be finally not missing in her own life.

Review:

★★★★★

I was absolutely blown away by this book. I was shocked to learn that this is Carrie Fountain's first novel. It's beautiful, haunting, and just straight up well written.

However, I definitely wasn't surprised to learn that her first two publications are books of poetry. It's clear that Fountain has a way with words. The way that the writing flows is beautiful. It's a bit slow paced, but I liked that. This book is set in the desert area of the US, so for me the tempo of the writing matched the slow, low heat of the setting that the author drew me into.

I like that all of the characters were multi-faceted and had depth to them. You learn who Miranda is both at the side of her best friend Syd, and rediscover her along the way when Syd is no longer there. You learn who Nick is both through the eyes of Syd, who hates his guts, and through Miranda, who yearns for him even after he makes some questionable decisions. Even her father, who isn't really a main character, you learn to see the fatherly, put together side that Miranda sees and the scientific genius version that the rest of the world sees.

I like that Miranda was a little weird, and that she's relatable. She's flawed, like all of us. She respects prayer because of her family roots, but she isn't into the praying thing herself. So when she needs to sleep, she recites a historical speech to herself aloud instead. She breaks a romantic tension moment by laughing. She struggles with friendship and loss in a way that I think is just so human.

And then there's the case of the missing friend. Well, "not missing" friend. I actually wasn't sure where this plot arch was going, in a sort of a "who done it" type mystery style. I won't give spoilers, but I will say that I did not see the book taking the twists that it did, and it took me by surprise. But in a good way.

My only real criticism of this book has to do with the ending. I felt like there was still a few loose ends left frayed by the time the book was over. I'm a little disappointed that Miranda's mother wasn't a bigger part of the plot line. I would have really liked to have followed that path to learn more about what happened and why.

This book is gritty and emotional, but also full of twists and even quite a few laughs. Reading the slow paced, flowing language made it very relaxing and soothing to read, despite all of the drama and issues that are presented in the book. Be warned, there's some hard to swallow for some topics, like sex, abuse, and abandonment.

I hope this isn't the last novel by Carrie Fountain, and I recommend this to anyone who likes realistic fiction with a darker, problematic side to it.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. Thank you.

Review: Hollow Beauty by Khristina Chess

Title: Hollow Beauty
Author: Khristina Chess
Format: Paperback, 225 pages
Pub. Date: September 13th 2014
Source: Goodreads First Reads


Book Description:

When tall, gorgeous Brody asks Olivia to the prom, she’s ecstatic—until he suggests that she use the two months before the dance to lose some weight. Does he think she’s fat? His comment sends Olivia on a spiral of insecurity and dangerously rapid weight loss that borders on anorexia.

As her pounds vanish, her friendship deepens with Ross, the new prep cook at the diner where she works. Despite his mysterious limp, he doesn’t suffer crippling low self-esteem like Olivia does; usually, she can’t even look at herself in the mirror anymore. But when she’s riding dirt bikes and searching for caves with Ross, she doesn’t feel ugly or fat, just herself again—hanging out and having fun.

With Brody, instead of finding the romance and true love she had hoped for, she feels like a terrified rabbit that he’s going to devour. She refuses to think about that. She’s almost thin enough to be beautiful for the prom.

And then the unthinkable happens.

Review:

★★

I'm always interested in realistic young adult books. The ones that address the tough stuff: eating disorders, self harm, conversion therapy, depression. Those are the books that helped me the most when I was that age, and I still look to them in adulthood. This isn't the first book on eating disorders that I've read, and it's something that I've dealt with in real life as well. Unfortunately, I didn't think that Hollow Beauty did a very good job with this topic.

What bothers me the most, I think, is how quickly the eating disorder issue presents itself. The boy she has a crush on tells her she needs to lose weight on page 4 of the book. And she just clings to this and the disorder starts. Did she have self-esteem issues before? Is weight something she's struggled with before? Was she already thinking about slimming down? I don't know. In the first few pages up to that point, she is happy with some fries after a sports meet. And then like lightning, out of nowhere, it begins. I wish that there was more about Olivia at the beginning, because it is so instantaneous that it comes off as odd.

I also don't really think her weight loss seemed realistic. People noticed the second she lost even a tiny bit of weight, and felt the need to comment on it. No one notices a pound or two, especially for athletes, who are always getting into shape. Not to mention that she's super rude to anyone who even shows a little of concern.

Her version of love just makes me sad. That you need to be all oogly eyed and lovey dovey and holding hands. Her judge of character at one point is that the jerk she likes doesn't open her car door, but the friend who zomg she can't POSSIBLY have feelings for, does. Such an odd little thing to use as a measurement, but whatever floats your boat I guess?

Another thing that bugged me is that while Jerk is talking about sex with her, and she's clearly uncomfortable with all of it, she has the bright idea that maybe she should just drink first so she'll like it. I'm sure that some girls out there really think like that but GOOD GOD, NO. In another moment of oddness, Olivia- who gets upset when she is even just a few calories off of where she thought and can't eat much without hating herself- slams a hard lemonade without thinking about it. Alcohol is terrible for you, weight loss wise, especially something as sugary as a Mike's.

I know I have a lot of problems with this book, but it wasn't ALL bad.

I liked that at the start of each chapter, it gave Olivia's current weight, and her goal weight. It was a good way to organize where she is in the journey and to keep track of what's going on.

I loved Ross, the friend she makes at the diner. He has a scar and a limp and is always kind to her. He's patient when she asks a million questions about his hobby, he shows concern for her weight loss, and I think it's cute that, as he's a cook, he just wants to feed her. If he was in this story more, I would have liked it more.

The book also does a good job of showing how toxic the internet/online groups can be. She joins a weight loss site called Blubber Busters which has a forum. She realizes quickly that support isn't always helpful, and that some of these girls take the weight obsession too far. While I'm not on eating disorder/weight loss apps, I am in other communities that definitely have some cesspools. I think it was a good thing to include.

There's also discussion questions in the back, if you're reading this for a club or class or something.

Overall, I found this book problematic and it wasn't for me. But it wasn't a total loss. There were some parts that were well represented, and enough interesting points that kept me reading until the end of the book. This might be a case of "it's not you, it's me", since other people seem to really like it. But, it just wasn't the book for me. Perhaps it'll be a better read for you.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

Review: Afterparty by Ann Redisch Stampler

Title: Afterparty
Author: Ann Redisch Stampler
Format: Paperback ARC
Pub. Date: January 7th 2014
Source: Won


Book Description:

Emma is tired of being good. Always the dutiful daughter to an overprotective father, she is the antithesis of her mother -- whose name her dad won't even say out loud. That's why meeting Siobhan is the best thing that ever happened to her...and the most dangerous. Because Siobhan is fun and alluring and experienced and lives on the edge. In other words, she's everything Emma is not.

And it may be more than Emma can handle.

Because as intoxicating as her secret life may be, when Emma begins to make her own decisions, Siobhan starts to unravel. It's more than just Dylan, the boy who comes between them. Their high-stakes pacts are spinning out of control. Elaborate lies become second nature. Loyalties and boundaries are blurred. And it all comes to a head at the infamous Afterparty, where debauchery rages and an intense, inescapable confrontation ends in a plummet from the rooftop.

This follow-up to Ann Redisch Stampler's Where It Began, reveals how those who know us best can hurt us most.

Review:

★★

Sometimes, every once in a while, there comes a book that feels like a case of "it's not you, it's me". I believe that this is one of those times. I'm glad a lot of other people seem to have enjoyed it, but it wasn't for me. This review will be vague, because there's a lot of potential spoilers.

The writing style wasn't one that I found enjoyable. It was full of long, flowery sentences that seemed extra detailed just for the sake of a word count. I thought maybe I'd warm up to it as the book went on, but alas I did not. The pacing was also rough. Sometimes the book jumped forward a day, sometimes a week. It was jagged and awkward and hard to keep up.

And then there's the characters. 99% of the time when I don't like a book, it's because of the characters, and this isn't the 1% for me. I didn't care for any of them. Not like "oh, I connect and understand these characters but I dislike them" but as in, I don't care at all what happens in your lives. For me it was a hyper-dramatic version of the 2003 film Thirteen. There's a good girl who doesn't want to be so good. Enter the super crazy, abusive, manipulative cool bad girl who is her downfall. There wasn't anything about her that made her unique, or someone that I could understand being friends with in the first place, let alone the friendship that follows. Think of all the things parents think are the end of the world: drugs, sex, and alcohol, and multiply the drama by 100, and that's what Siobhan gets them into. The main character is generic and forgettable, and doesn't really grow that much by the end of the novel . So, it felt largely predictable in parts.

And the end? What a let down. It didn't make up for my other issues with the book, so I was just left frustrated.

I will say that though it has nothing to do with the story, the cover is gorgeous.

As I said, I think this is a case of it's not you, it's me. So, if you like teenage drama type stories like Pretty Little Liars or Gossip Girl or things like that, go for it. Maybe you'll have a better time.

The Tragic Age by Stephen Metcalfe

Title: The Tragic Age
Author: Stephen Metcalfe
Format: Hardcover, 320 pages
Pub. Date: March 3rd 2015
Source: Won


Book Description:

This is the story of Billy Kinsey, heir to a lottery fortune, part genius, part philosopher and social critic, full time insomniac and closeted rock drummer. Billy has decided that the best way to deal with an absurd world is to stay away from it. Do not volunteer. Do not join in. Billy will be the first to tell you it doesn’t always work— not when your twin sister, Dorie, has died, not when your unhappy parents are at war with one another, not when frazzled soccer moms in two ton SUVs are more dangerous than atom bombs, and not when your guidance counselor keeps asking why you haven’t applied to college.
　
Billy’s life changes when two people enter his life. Twom Twomey is a charismatic renegade who believes that truly living means going a little outlaw. Twom and Billy become one another’s mutual benefactor and friend. At the same time, Billy is reintroduced to Gretchen Quinn, an old and adored friend of Dorie’s. It is Gretchen who suggests to Billy that the world can be transformed by　creative acts of the soul.　

With Twom, Billy visits the dark side. And with Gretchen, Billy experiences possibilities.Billy knows that one path is leading him toward disaster and the other toward happiness. The problem is—Billy doesn’t trust happiness. It's the age he's at. The tragic age.

Stephen Metcalfe's brilliant, debut coming-of-age novel, The Tragic Age, will teach you to learn to love, trust and truly be alive in an absurd world.

Review:

★★

I really wanted to like this book, but I ended up not being a fan of it. I love a good coming of age story, but this one just didn't click with me. I didn't relate to a lot of characters, which made me struggle to finish it.

I started off really liking the main character, Billy. I appreciate that he's sarcastic and a smart ass, because I myself am both of those things. But his personality, the more I read, turned to being abrasive and annoying. He's not a person I'd want to spend a lot of time with. But, at least he was well developed. I give him that. Comparatively, the other characters fall flat, and seem to be there only to move along Billy's plot. I couldn't tell you much about them.

What turned me off of this book the most was the stereotypes. The Latina female is portrayed as slutty. There's smart Asians. There's some definite slut shaming and other things that are not part of the plot: these are not things we will learn to overcome through evolution of the characters. I don't want that in a book, and especially a coming of age story aimed at teens.

I did appreciate Billy's pop culture/topical references, but I feel like it'll date the book in the future.

This isn't a book I'd recommend.

Review: This Is Where It Ends by Marieke Nijkamp

Title: This Is Where It Ends
Author: Marieke Nijkamp
Format: eARC
Pub. Date: January 5th 2016
Source: Sourcebooks Fire


Book Description:

10:00 a.m.
The principal of Opportunity, Alabama's high school finishes her speech, welcoming the entire student body to a new semester and encouraging them to excel and achieve.

10:02 a.m.
The students get up to leave the auditorium for their next class.

10:03
The auditorium doors won't open.

10:05
Someone starts shooting.

Told over the span of 54 harrowing minutes from four different perspectives, terror reigns as one student's calculated revenge turns into the ultimate game of survival.

Review:

★★★

This book gave me a case of the feelings.

I finished this book awhile ago now, but I had to let it stew around in my brain for awhile before I could properly and professionally write out my thoughts about it. There are some things that this book does very well, and other things that it does rather poorly, and so in the end I ended up giving it a neutral three out of five stars.

This is a tough book to read, not in its grammar or lexicon, but because of the overall plot. School shootings are tough stuff, scary stuff. Stuff that we unfortunately see every day on the news, and that some of us have personally been affected by, in some form or another. In my case, fortunately, no one was injured despite shots being fired. But even that is something that has stayed with me. It's a rough call to reality that it could happen at any school, to anybody, and that's terrifying. And yet, in its terror, this book is mesmerizing. I read it in one go, because I couldn't put it down. Thankfully I was on a train for 8 hours, so I had time to spare.

It took awhile to get used to the format of this book. It's comprised of four distinct, separated points of view. I'm not overtly fond of switching POVs, especially when it's four of them. That said, I think Nijkamp handled it fairly well. After a while it became easy to switch gears and decipher whose chapter was whose. I was disappointed that in these four points of view, the shooter wasn't given a voice. That's the voice I most wanted to read about, and I was left a bit sad that I didn't get that opportunity.

I appreciated that in addition to the separate points of view, the author also had mixed media strewn throughout the book. There is prose, as is standard in a novel, but also snippets of text messages, tweets, and blog posts. It brings the story into this decade and makes it feel more realistic. I think teens will relate to it more because of this incorporation of technology.

I do think that this book pulls out every single card in its literary deck, though, and it seemed like it was just for the purpose of saying the book included them. Different races? Check. Gay characters? Yup. Deaths of students, deaths of parents, rape, abuse, mental illness? Yup, all present. That's not a bad thing. I'm all for diverse characters and plots. I also know that everyone has their own story. But when it feels like it's all just plopped into the book for the sake of being plopped, it turns me off a bit. It also left me a bit confused. Part of one of the subplots of this story is that the town is a rather small and judgmental one, which is why so many people have so many secrets. This makes it hard to come out of the closet as being LGBT, because it is not a welcoming place. I was confused then why the quarterback who is so esteemed was a black character? Again, nothing wrong with having a black character. YA needs more of them. But when it's being drummed into the plot how small-minded the town is, this part doesn't seem to fit well. Maybe I'm just reading too much into things. It wouldn't be the first time.

I also wasn't happy with the ending, for a few reasons. I'll refrain from spoilers. Plot wise, I feel that it was kind of a cop out. The end chapters felt super rushed and I knew where it was going, and I didn't want it to go there. And when it ended it just felt like you had been running at an okay pace, sped up, and then hit a wall. It was just over. I'm not a fan of that at all. I also feel like the writing was a bit insensitive. I've lost friends to suicides and murders, and I promise you, I would never describe the loss of a beautiful human life as being able to see "brain" everywhere. It's crude, it's crass, and it's ultimately juvenile. It turned me off for sure, especially when mixed with this anger-inducing ending.

Unrelated to the content of the book, I absolutely love the cover. I think it sums up the plot well, and really makes a rather stunning point. I honestly forgot the title of this book at one point, but I remembered "the one with the broken chalk". It's a cover to be remembered.

I'm not sorry I read this, and I'll likely even read it again in the future. Like I said, there's high points and low points. It sucks you in and makes you confront life in a way that can be hard to swallow. There's some issues in it, but I would still recommend giving it a read. If you are a young adult reader who likes intense, emotionally driven books then this book might be for you.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinions. Thank you.

Review: Little Peach by Peggy Kern

Title: Little Peggy

Author: Peggy Kern

Format: ARC

Pub. Date: March 10th 2015

Source: Traded



Book Description via Goodreads:

What do you do if you're in trouble?

When Michelle runs away from her drug-addicted mother, she has just enough money to make it to New York City, where she hopes to move in with a friend. But once she arrives at the bustling Port Authority, she is confronted with the terrifying truth: she is alone and out of options.

Then she meets Devon, a good-looking, well-dressed guy who emerges from the crowd armed with a kind smile, a place for her to stay, and eyes that seem to understand exactly how she feels.

But Devon is not what he seems to be, and soon Michelle finds herself engulfed in the world of child prostitution where he becomes her “Daddy” and she his “Little Peach.” It is a world of impossible choices, where the line between love and abuse, captor and savior, is blurred beyond recognition.

This hauntingly vivid story illustrates the human spirit’s indomitable search for home, and one girl’s struggle to survive.

Review:

★★★

This is one of those rare instances where I'm really not sure how I feel about this book. I think it is definitely worth reading, but I can't say that I loved it, and I probably won't read it again. I'm left a bit disappointed, because this is one of my most anticipated reads of 2015. Overall, it was okay.

I will give this book one thing: it's incredibly gritty. The writing feels realistic. Even when the events happening to Michelle are unpleasant (which is a LOT), it feels realistic and not too dramatic. The characters and the settings are all well detailed, and it is easy, albeit unsettling, to place yourself in the main character's shoes. The characters were well written and were easily distinguishable from one another, but I felt they were missing a bit of depth. Honestly, I never really connected to Michelle. Considering this book has the difficult topic of child trafficking/prostitution, I felt I was missing some of that emotional attachment to her, and I felt I wasn't as impacted as I should have been.

A note about the writing that was neither positive nor negative really, but it was a bit hard to read this at times because the characters speak like they would in real life. That is, there is poor English and slang, like "I ain't gonna", etc. While I totally see why the author did this, and it definitely adds to that grit I mentioned before, from a reader standpoint, it wasn't all too pleasant. It doesn't effect my rating, but it was rough in parts.

I also didn't realize that this book is about gangs. It again doesn't really matter, in regards to a review. But when all of a sudden the Bloods were mentioned, I was taken aback. It totally adds a different layer to the story.

I feel like the book was a bit rushed, to be honest. I think that's part of the "missed connection" to Michelle. The story moved so fast that I didn't really have time to grow fond of any of the characters, or even to hate others like her "Daddy". I wish the book had been a little longer, and a little slower of a pace, or at least a more in depth pace.

This topic is an important one. Child trafficking is a huge problem that happens where most of us won't realize it. I appreciate the research that went into this book, and the light the author tried to shine on it. I think that this is a book that will have a lot of people raving and talking: which is good. We need to talk about it. But for me, it's a book worth reading once, but probably not more than that.

I got this ARC through a book trade, in exchange for an honest review.

Review: All the Rage by Courtney Summers

Title: All the Rage
Author: Courtney Summers
Format: egalley
Pub. Date: April 14th 2015
Source: St. Martin's Griffin


Book Description via Goodreads:

The sheriff’s son, Kellan Turner, is not the golden boy everyone thinks he is, and Romy Grey knows that for a fact. Because no one wants to believe a girl from the wrong side of town, the truth about him has cost her everything—friends, family, and her community. Branded a liar and bullied relentlessly by a group of kids she used to hang out with, Romy’s only refuge is the diner where she works outside of town. No one knows her name or her past there; she can finally be anonymous. But when a girl with ties to both Romy and Kellan goes missing after a party, and news of him assaulting another girl in a town close by gets out, Romy must decide whether she wants to fight or carry the burden of knowing more girls could get hurt if she doesn’t speak up. Nobody believed her the first time—and they certainly won’t now — but the cost of her silence might be more than she can bear.　

With a shocking conclusion and writing that will absolutely knock you out, All the Rage examines the shame and silence inflicted upon young women after an act of sexual violence, forcing us to ask ourselves: In a culture that refuses to protect its young girls, how can they survive?

Review:

★★★

I waited a long while to write this review. All the Rage is a very intense book to read, and I needed some time (a few weeks, actually) to decompress everything long enough to write a coherent opinion on it.

First, I'd like to say that this book's message is so damn important. I think it's crazy that every day when I get on Facebook, there's a new trending story of some teen rape/bullying/sexting case. It's horrifying. Books with themes as deep as the ones found in this book are often close to my heart, because I have experienced them first hand. These are books that need writing, because it is still happening across the country and the world. It's worth reading. End of.

The writing itself is beautiful. Though I can name other books Summers has written, and I've come across her name often on the internet, this is the first time I've ever read anything written by her. She has a great ability to describe human emotion in ways that I'm not sure that I could give a voice. It's beautiful and haunting at the same, almost hollow. It was an almost soothing sense of dread and darkness, which was an odd sensation but a lovely one as a reader (that might make no sense to some of you- sorry about that).

That said, the timing in this book left me puzzled. I wasn't always entirely sure where in the timeline I was, and that made it a bit hard to focus on what was happening. I had all of the puzzle pieces, but struggled at times to put them together into a bigger picture.

The characters left me divided. I felt for Romy, truly, and I wanted her to get all the things that she needed and wanted to calm her mind and restore her life. Because she was so turbulent of a character, my own feelings for her matched. Sometimes she left me confused, and sometimes I really couldn't connect to her. Other times I felt like she was sharing thoughts I've had personally, verbatim. The adults, don't get me started. They're accurate enough- the not listening, the lying, the small town politics. That is where I felt all the rage. I wanted to punch some of them (not unlike the adults in other books on similar topics I've read lately). The romance aspect didn't really add anything to me, but I'm sure there are others who will disagree with me.

In short, this book left me torn. And honestly, I think it was meant to. It's a book that's hard to swallow and slow to read, because some pretty bad themes and actions are within its pages. It is a book that demands more thought and reflection after it's been read. As I mentioned before, I think it's definitely a book that is worth reading, even though I didn't always follow or connect to it in the best way. Be warned, rape and bullying are main themes in this book, so tread with caution if you are sensitive to them. If you benefited from reading books such as Some Boys or The S-Word, you might want to give this one a go.

I received a copy in exchange for my honest review.

Blog Tour Review & Giveaway: Center Ice by Cate Cameron!

Title: Center Ice

Series: Corrigan Falls Raiders #1

Author: Cate Cameron

Release date: 5/19/15

Publisher: Entangled Crush

Summary from Goodreads:

The hometown hockey hero won’t know what hit him…

Karen Webber is in small-town hell. After her mother’s death, she moved to Corrigan Falls to live with strangers—her dad and his perfect, shiny new family—and there doesn’t seem to be room for a city girl with a chip on her shoulder. The only person who makes her feel like a real human being is Tyler MacDonald.

But Karen isn’t interested in starting something with a player. And that’s all she keeps hearing about Tyler.

Corrigan Falls is a hockey town, and Tyler’s the star player. But the viselike pressure from his father and his agent are sending him dangerously close to the edge. All people see is hockey—except Karen. Now they’ve managed to find something in each other that they both desperately need. And for the first time, Tyler is playing for keeps…

Get it Here:

Amazon | BN | Kobo | iBooks

Review:

★★★★

This book has so many things that I love, all rolled into one little book. Contemporary romance? Check. Young adult? Check. Hockey? Triple check. I knew I had to read this one the moment I saw the cover (I know, I know). I'm glad that the story inside is just as cute as the cover represents it to be.

Center Ice is a really sweet book. We meet Karen and Tyler, who tell their story from both sides, as the book flips between each of their points of view. They're absolutely adorable together, and I enjoyed every minute of watching them fall deeper in love. Tyler is a hockey player with NHL goals in mind, and I loved him. Karen, well, I didn't like her much as her own character. She did a lot of things that made me sigh, and I found it hard to connect with her. That said, I liked her with Tyler as a couple, so I wasn't horridly put off by it while reading. I appreciated the overall depth of the characters- this book is more than just a sweet romance. There's a lot of other issues working here such as reputations, family struggles, and pressures for perfection. This made the book a lot more realistic for me, and I appreciated it.

I absolutely adore hockey (Go Blackhawks!) so I really liked that it was a focal point of this book. I don't just mean that in regards to Tyler being a stellar, NHL bound player in the plot of the book. The author seems really well researched on the sport, it sounded like it was written by someone familiar with hockey, not someone just using it as a plot device. There was slang and details that I really enjoyed.

I think that this is a really good romance for fans of hockey or sports themed romances, as well as contemporary romance. I'd place it somewhere between YA and NA for age range. I'm told that this is the first book in a series, and though I had some issues with Center Ice I would definitely continue on with the next book in the series.

I received my copy in exchange for my honest review.

About the Author:

Cate Cameron grew up in the city but moved to the country in her mid-twenties and isn't looking back. Most of her writing deals with people living and loving in small towns or right out in the sticks - when there aren't entertainment options on every corner, other people get a lot more interesting!

She likes to write stories about real people struggling with real issues. YA, NA, or contemporary romance, her books are connected by their emphasis on subtle humor and characters who are trying to do the right thing, even when it would be a lot easier to do something wrong.

Goodreads | Website | Twitter | Facebook

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Blog Tour Mini Review & Giveaway: Life Unaware by Cole Gibsen!

Title: Life Unaware

Author: Cole Gibson

Release date: 4/28/15

Publisher: Entangled Teen

Summary from Goodreads:

Regan Flay has been talking about you.

Regan Flay is on the cusp of achieving her control-freak mother's "plan" for high school success―cheerleading, student council, the Honor Society—until her life gets turned horribly, horribly upside down. Every bitchy text. Every bitchy email. Every lie, manipulation, and insult she's ever said have been printed out and taped to all the lockers in school.

Now Regan has gone from popular princess to total pariah.
The only person who even speaks to her is her former best friend's hot but socially miscreant brother, Nolan Letner. Nolan thinks he knows what Regan's going through, but whatnobody knows is that Regan isn't really Little Miss Perfect. In fact, she's barely holding it together under her mom's pressure. But the consequences of Regan's fall from grace are only just beginning. Once the chain reaction starts, no one will remain untouched...

Especially Regan Flay.

Review:

★★★★

I have to say, I really enjoyed this book.

For me, teen bullying books are usually hit or miss. I either totally relate or disconnect completely. I'm glad to say that this one was one that I hit it off with.

I think that this book is largely realistic, and honestly that's what makes it a bit scary. Teenagers are terrifying, and this book gives a window into the teenage girl brain. I was reminded of a few people that I knew in high school. The characters were well written and their dialogue felt natural (something else I often have issues with in teen/high school books). I also appreciate the amount of loathing that the author got me to feel for some of the characters. I quickly became invested into the story, and loved reading as the main character's world came crashing down around her. It was kind of nice to watch the mean girl up in flames, but at parts you definitely sympathize with her too.

I connected with her a bit more because she has an anxiety disorder and so do I, so I sympathized with her a bit more. And her mother... Good lord, don't get me started on her mother. She made me ridiculously angry. Well done to the author for making me have such intense feelings for a fictional character.

It's a fast paced read that doesn't take very long, but does deal with some pretty tough things to swallow, like bullying/cyberbullying. I think that a lot of teenage girls and YA fans will like this one, especially fans of books like The S Word or #scandal. This book has some language and serious themes, so be warned before going in.

Get it Here:

Amazon | BN | TBD | BAM | IndieBound | Powells

About the Author:

Cole Gibsen first realized she different when, in high school, she was still reading comic books while the other girls were reading fashion magazines.

It was her love of superheroes that first inspired her to pick up a pen. Her favorite things to write about are ordinary girls who find themselves in extraordinary situations.

Goodreads | Website | Twitter | Facebook

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Chapter Excerpt, Review, & Giveaway: Twisted by Lola Smirnova!

Title: Twisted

Author: Lola Smirnova

Release Date: January 21st 2014

Genre: New Adult/Suspense/Thriller



Book Summary:

In the corrupt economy of post-Soviet Ukraine opportunities are scarce. Young and eager sisters – Natalia, Lena and Julia – harbor dreams of a better life. Naïve and tempted by the allure of ‘quick’ money, the girls set off on an adventure that changes their lives forever.

Can they stay out of trouble enough to fulfill their ambitions? Can they hold on to their idealism in a world where depravity and danger are constant companions? How far are they willing to go to make a buck?

Twisted is a disturbing behind-the-scenes look at a world that most will never see. It is shocking, raw, and explicit.

“Twisted tells the story of a young Ukrainian girl named Julia, whose family is struck with poverty after the fall of the Soviet Union. Her two older sisters leave home and become sex workers, glossing over the more distasteful aspects of their occupation, planting the seeds of both curiosity and greed in young Julia. She eventually finds the lure of easy money too beguiling and begins her journey into the darker aspects of drug abuse, drunken stupors, and the horrid and loveless life of a sex-for-sale prostitute... Twisted is an amazing book that is well written and provocative. This book is a worthwhile read.” - Michael Alexander’s BDSM Review

“The characters are real, dialog intoxicating, and the plot well crafted.” – Reviewed by Gary Stout at Readers’ Favorite

Lola Smirnova is currently working on her second novel Crave – a sequel to Twisted. To learn more, click here

Excerpt:

Chapter 2

My name is Julia. I am from Ukraine. I work as an entertainer in one of the many cabarets in Luxembourg City. In other words … I am a prostitute.

Luxembourg City is the capital of the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, the pint-sized, landlocked country in the heart of Western Europe. By Shanghai, London or New York’s standards, it wouldn’t be strange to have sixty champagne bars in one city, but it does sound quirky when you consider that Luxembourg City is twice as small as Orlando Disney World.

This sleepy and conservative locale, the world’s eighth-largest banking and financial centre, motherland of prioress Yolanda and the 100-watt radio transmitter, is stuffed with sex-orientated ‘establishments’, like the one where I work. What’s more, they are jam-packed with able-to-eat-a-horse-for-the-dough girls from different countries – mostly, of course, Eastern Europeans, who would do anything to make an extra buck.

Champagne bar, whorehouse, brothel, house of assignation, bordello, den of vice; call them what you like, it does not change the core of these places. Although they are often called cabarets, and occasionally there is even strip-dancing involved, you shouldn’t associate them with merrymaking or extravaganza. ‘Trade’, ‘sex’, ‘transactions’, ‘carnal’, ‘barter’ or ‘perversion’ would be the better words to portray this type of nightery.

This is a place where one man can spend thousands of euro in an hour or sip only Coke all night long; where the currency is not money but champagne; where often nobody is really interested in the champagne’s quality or taste, but rather finds its value in the size and quantity of the bottles; where the sanctity of the sparkling drink of the gods and the missionary position are lost in the blue confusion of fake orgasms and sex noises.

It works as simply as a jukebox – to get music, you have to stick in a coin. If you want a girl to lavish attention on you, pay for her champagne.

The cheapest option is a €25 glass of bubbly, which gives you 15 minutes of an affectionate and solicitous bond with a girl at the bar. Pay twice that price and your ‘date’ drinks piccolo, the 250 ml bottle. In this case, the time you spend with her is doubled, but the storyline stays the same. Next: the demi-bouteille, a 375 ml bottle that costs about €180 for half an hour. This ‘denomination’ grants a little bit of comfort, because both of you can move to a dim semi-private lounge, as well as the confidence that physical manipulation will be involved. And last, but not least, is the ‘full house’ for the standard bottle, the price for which varies. It kicks off at €250 for questionable swill, which is reasonable damage considering that in addition to a drink, you get screwed for an hour in the séparé – a private room, most commonly upstairs. You could be asked to pay up to €650 for Cristal or Dom Perignon, where, of course, you cough up not only for sex but also for the champagne’s snobbish name, fine finish in the mouth, and the supplementary fondness and devotion. Sad to say, these pricey bottles – and the one-and-a-half litre magnums that go for €1,000 or more – are a rare occurrence in these clubs.

The uniqueness of such places is that while you, the customer, are having leisure time with your ‘pick’, her mind is constantly dividing the amount that you’ve already spent by five (this is how much commission the house pays her), adding her €60 daily salary and planning how to badger you to buy another bottle, all that while smiling or laughing hard enough to make sure that all of these calculations in her head are not reflected on her pretty face.

Most of the clubs open at one in the afternoon and cease their trading at about four in the morning. Of course, the run has to be split – there are day and night shifts. Even though, practically, there is no big difference between the two spells, the contrast in the clientele is huge.

The day shift – fuck, I hate it! – is all about the married and the perverts, but more often the married perverts. As a rule, they drop by to use their lunch break for a dull, uncomplicated quickie, or for depraved ‘activities’ they have never had the guts to share with their wives and girlfriends. They don’t drink much and have limited time. That is why the club is usually boring and full of freaks, but in the end, who cares if you can get the bottle?

On the other hand, the night transforms the club and fills it with a party flavour – the music is louder, the customers are drunker and the laughter gets more sincere. Even the girls’ sweat looks like a piece of cake. The problem is that the boys often get carried away by the alcohol and the thundering crowd, so their brains switch out of sex mode. If there is no sex, there is probably going to be no bottle either.

But enough, I don’t want to bore you. Let’s set in motion my adventure that, by the way, began without me.

Buy it here: ebook | Paperback

About the Author:

Lola Smirnova is an author from Ukraine, who for many years worked in the sex industry. She recently released her debut novel Twisted. Twisted is a work of fiction, but it is inspired by the author’s real life experiences making a living in the sex trade.
Facebook | Website | Twitter

Review:

★★★★

Wow. This book is one hell of a read, from start to finish.

Based on true events, Twisted is a book about three sisters navigating life in the sex trade. Going into this book, I wasn't too sure what to expect. Whatever I had been expecting, however, didn't prepare me for my reading. This book is intense. It's dark and gritty and crass- definitely not for the faint of heart. The realism is a striking, and often a hard to swallow one.

It's no surprise to my regular blog readers that I often read erotica and sex positive literature. However, that is NOT what this book is about. Sex is in no way romanticized or made to be glamorous. It is a harsh, manipulative, and necessary part of life that fuels a dark life. Add in the seedy nightlife underground, drugs, and alcohol, and this gets all the more real. That's exactly why this book has such a disturbing undertone: this is something that has and is really happening.

Twisted is gripping in an almost perverse way, and the writing itself is really detailed and well done. The thriller/suspense aspect has a sort of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo vibe to it, which I liked since that's one of my favorite books. I was also impressed since (it is my knowledge- correct me if I'm wrong) English is not Smirnova's first language. You wouldn't be able to tell by reading this. I also appreciated that non-English words were in Italics, helping the reader know its meaning by context.

Unrelated to the story itself, I really like the cover of this book. I think it's a good hint of what's inside, and I think it's pretty and quite striking.

This book is an eye opener, and is not one to be taken lightly. That said, it is definitely one worth reading. Be warned that this book is NOT for those under age 18: there is sex, violence, drugs/alcohol, and profanity aplenty. Also be warned that if you're like me, you won't be able to read this in one go- it got so intense that I had to take a breather or two. This is the first book by Lola Smirnova and with writings like this, I'm sure it won't be her last.

Thank you to Book Publicity Services for my copy in exchange for my honest review.

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Birthday Blogoversary Fangirl Bash Part Three Review & Interview: Alex as Well by Alyssa Brugman!

Title: Alex as Well
Author: Alyssa Brugman
Format: egalley
Pub. Date: January 20th 2015
Source: Netgalley & Henry Holt and Co. (BYR)

About the Book:

Alex is ready for things to change, in a big way. Everyone seems to think she’s a boy, but for Alex the whole boy/girl thing isn’t as simple as either/or, and when she decides girl is closer to the truth, no one knows how to react, least of all her parents. Undeterred, Alex begins to create a new identity for herself: ditching one school, enrolling in another, and throwing out most of her clothes. But the other Alex—the boy Alex—has a lot to say about that.　Heartbreaking and droll in equal measures, Alex As Well is a brilliantly told story of exploring gender and sexuality, navigating friendships, and finding a place to belong.

Interview:

I'm very stoked to have Alyssa Brugman on the blog today to answer some of my questions about her book (which I absolutely adored) and to help to celebrate my birthday week. Thanks again for taking the time to let me do an interview with you! First, what inspired you to write Alex as Well?

The writer Jane McCredie was on the radio talking about her book Making Boys and Girls, which is about the science and psychology of gender. She was talking about gender as a spectrum.

Young people who experiment with, who identify as neither or both gender in various ways, are not much discussed in young adult fiction, which seems very odd when gender, sexual awareness and identity make up so much of the rest of young adult fiction. It doesn’t make any sense that there aren’t there more YA books about transgendered, cross-dressing or intersex teens, so I wrote one.

At the time I was working on a PhD in literature. My area of study was unreliable narration in young adult fiction. I wanted to know how I could let the reader know what was going even though my young character shouldn’t really have the emotional maturity to understand either themselves, or the motives of others. I incorporated a number of the narrative strategies that I studied in the PhD into this manuscript.

I couldn't agree with you more, YA literature is definitely lacking in those areas, and I was fascinated by Alex's narrative. Were any of these characters based off of people that you know in real life?

No, I made it all up.

Did you have to do any research while writing this novel? If so, how did you use this research, or what are some things you learned?

As I said before, I wrote a PhD thesis on unreliable narration, and the original manuscript of Alex was submitted as the companion piece, showing examples of the narrative strategies that I talked about in the thesis. I learned a lot of technical names for things I had done before in other books, and now I can see them when I read other people’s books. It’s kind of like opening the bonnet of a novel seeing all the different parts of its engine.

What do you hope people take away from Alex as Well?

I read an article by an emerging young adult author in the Australian Society of Authors magazine who said, “I didn’t want to write one of those social realism novels whose aim seems to be to make teens feel better about being bullied for being fat or thin or gay or black or Muslim.”
I unapologetically write those novels, but not with the sort of cynicism that the above quote implies - instead with what I fancy is a genuine compassion for, and interest in, young people who might be struggling in their various ways.

People who don’t understand intersex conditions seem to think that gender dysphoria is some kind of choice.
While I believe society in general is making life easier than it used to be for people who identify as LGBT, it still appears to be too common an experience to have the family/loved ones of these people to say, “I will love you again when you decide to stop being LGBT”.
My wonderful editor for the novel, Jane Pearson and I had a long discussion about how we were going to end this novel. We wanted it to be hopeful and triumphant, at the same time reflecting the sometimes harsh reality for adolescents like Alex.
I hope that young people (or old people) who in some way identify with Alex’s plight, for whatever reason, will find some comfort in her company.

“I will love you again when you decide to stop being LGBT” is quite possibly one of the most accurate statements about being LGBT today that I have personally ever read. In a bit lighter of a question, do you listen to music when you write? If so, what songs make up the soundtrack to this book?

There are a lot of pop tunes in this book. It's interesting that my character will often choose a soundtrack for the writing of the book that is quite different from what I would choose. My latest character, who is a man, wants to listen to The Cure, David Bowie, Joy Division, Morrissey, and Peter Gabriel. That's a long way from Alex who liked Pink, Black Eyed Peas and Miley Cyrus.

I'd get along with both of those characters- I listen to both Pink and The Cure. Is there a particular place or room where you feel the most inspired to write?

I have a study in my house which is where I do the typing part, but writing mostly happens in my head. I do the composing part while I am hanging out the washing, driving, grocery shopping etc.

Which scene in Alex as Well was your favorite to write?

There is a section of the book where Alex’s mother is giving her testosterone without Alex being aware of it, and Alex’s male side reasserts himself more at that point in the novel. He flirts with a class mate. I enjoyed writing that part of the manuscript because the two sides of Alex debate what to do and discuss what is appropriate conduct. The male part of Alex contributes power and vibrancy to the character too.There is a section of the book where Alex’s mother is giving her testosterone without Alex being aware of it, and Alex’s male side reasserts himself more at that point in the novel. He flirts with a class mate. I enjoyed writing that part of the manuscript because the two sides of Alex debate what to do and discuss what is appropriate conduct. The male part of Alex contributes power and vibrancy to the character too.

Which parts of the book gave you the most trouble?

This was one of the easier manuscripts that I have written. I didn’t feel like a had to build Alex from scratch – it was as if she already existed, and I only had to put the words down. I hope that you will have the same sensation reading this book – as if Alex is there next to you whispering in your ear.
The feedback that I’m getting so far from readers is that, now that they’ve met Alex, somehow they feel that they should have read this story before. In fact, there was one reader who wrote something like, “so good to read a vegetarian character in YA”, as if that was the attribute that stood out.

From my experience, I can definitely confirm that Alex felt like someone I should already know, like she was telling me something important as opposed to just being a character in a novel. But... Can you describe the book in five words?

Hahaha! No. Maybe feisty teenage girl comes out? Something like that?

Do you have any new books or projects in the works that you can tell us about?

Yes, I just finished a new manuscript which is about a man with a broken heart. It's been a lot of fun to write. I'm also planning on self publishing a romance novel this year. It's a manuscript I've had sitting on my hard drive for a little while. I have not tried self publishing before, so it will be interesting to see how that goes compared to the books I have sold through mainstream publishers.

I look forward to reading your new work. Thank you so much for talking with me about Alex as Well. It's not a book I'm likely to forget in the near future.

Review:

★★★★★

Five stars

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It's time to get a little bit personal here on my blog. Regular readers of my reviews know that I am happily taken by a girl named Emily, who sometimes graces this blog with her own book reviews. What most of you don't know, is that Emily has struggled with gender identity issues for a long, long time. It is because of her and the charming cover, I admit, that I picked up Alex as Well. Though of course I acknowledge that this book is one of fiction, I do believe it has helped me process some things about the way Emily thinks and feels, and for that reason among others I am so, so happy that I requested this title.

Alex, the 15 year old protagonist of this story, explains in the book that she has "two selves". This can be a kind of hard concept to wrap around, but because she has torn feelings about who she really is as a person, she finds that it is easier to associate "girl Alex" and "boy Alex" as two different people in her head. As voices, if you will. Alex was born "intersex", and these gender ideas clash and fight often with one another.

Though Emily is biologically female through and through, she also uses this way of speaking about her inner conflicts. She has a girl voice, Emily, and a boy voice, Devin. I was very confused and conflicted at first, when Emily spoke of these "voices" so to speak, because I had never heard of something like that before. I was nervous and scared for both her and myself and what it meant for us as a couple.

Because I was used to this way of thinking, it was easier for me to follow Alex's internal conversations and honestly, it made me feel.... Like Emily and I aren't alone. I connected with this form of narration from the very get-go, and it is definitely unique. This is the first book that I have personally ever encountered that uses two voices from the same person beyond just the idea of a conscience. Another unique concept of this book is that the chapters are sprinkled with blog posts from her mother on what it is like to raise someone who is intersex.

Speaking of her mother, let's talk about characters for a bit. I hated and loved them. I mean this in the best way. The author wanted me to hate and love them, and she got her wish. Each of the characters was unique and had depth, and unfortunately they were all believable. Her mother, for example. I was left with SO MANY FEELINGS. I will refrain from spoilers, but Alex's views made me hate her. Then her blog posts helped me to understand her a bit more, but still with hatred. And then at the end I felt kind of sorry for her but also still angry and heartbroken. I didn't know how to feel. Alex is an amazing character. She's complex and unapologetically true to herself, despite the shitstorm by which she's surrounded. She's fierce and often snarky and hilarious, but sometimes she broke my heart. I was cheering her on from the beginning to the end, and she isn't a character that I will soon forget, nor do I want to forget her. I also really liked how she connected her life to the music she was listening to at the time, I thought it to be a nice touch.

The synopsis (at least on Goodreads) describes this book as "heartbreaking and droll in equal measures" and I feel like this perfectly describes it. I was left emotionally exhausted from this book, and though I finished it ages ago, I am still thinking about it. It's a roller coaster that's gritty, real, and well executed. This is the first book that I have read from Alyssa Brugman and I sincerely hope it is not the last. You will feel lows when you see the bullying, the drama, and the awful people that Alex must encounter. You will feel highs when Alex comes into herself, when she feels beautiful, and when her life seems to be looking up for the better. And, if you are like me, you will make an inhuman noise when you find yourself out of pages when you are still having these intense feelings. (It's not a cliffhanger ending. It's not quite so dramatic. More like a hillhanger. That's a word now. Tell your friends.)

And, if by some chance the author is reading this, I would love to read more about Alex. Just sayin'. And while I have your attention, I would personally like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating a story that touched me on such a personal level, and that helped to open a better dialog between my girlfriend and I. Who would have thought that one little young adult novel could do so much?

I recommend this book to anyone who loves LGBT themed young adult, contemporary YA, or books dealing with disorders, mental issues, or identity issues. Thank you so much to Netgalley and Henry Holt and Co. (BYR) for a copy in exchange for my honest review.